This is not what I was expecting

First of all I am sure nearly every single one of you has seen this already - but seriously if I was allowed to have more than one husband, I'd also marry both JT and Jimmy Fallon.  Mostly because of this....I would demand this at least once a day. 



To be honest I never ever really had a thing for JT - but he's really grown on me over the years.  Truthfully it probably started here (ridiculous).

Anyways - so I'm pregnant!  Is it weird that this still blows my mind - like every single day?  I wake and try to get out of bed - and then remember "Oh yeah man, I'm effin' pregnant!"  I don't know when it becomes real - probably for me it won't be until I am in labour.  And freaking out because I am about to become someones mom.  Don't get me wrong - I am excited.  Or am I anxious?  Well I am feeling a bunch of things.  I read other blogs of first time mom's getting ready and prepared - and they are all overcome with joy, love and excitement.  Why don't I feel like that? Why can't I express that? I am joyful.  I do feel a connection to the human growing inside me.  And there are moments when I feel super excited.  But really - do I feel this all the time, often even?  The answer is no.  Truthfully - I feel unsure. 

I never expected that.  I am sad to leave my job - but also excited for some time away.  I am nervous to leave my job - the career I have spent the last five years building.  How do you ever get that back?  What happens if I lose my passion? My drive?  My ambition?  Everyone tells me my feelings will change once I have a child - but right now - I have no idea what that means.  And that scares me. 

But then every now and then - I am surprised by a kick, a jab, a thought or even images like this - and I shrug my shoulders and know that I am ready for this next milestone in my life.  Because it all will be worth these awkward transition emotions in the end, right?

B-Ho sucking 'her' thumb at 25 weeks.  The ultrasound technician believes she's 75% girl - but there were definitely no boy parts that I could see.  

Look at Me Grow!

Oh hey!  Remember me?  I hope so.  I've been MIA for about 6 weeks.  As you can see my belly is growing - and with that comes a laundry list of tasks to complete.  At the rate that my pregnancy is flying by - I kind of wish that you were pregnant for 50 weeks.  I really could use the extra 10 weeks.  However the thought of possibly birthing a 20 pound infant doesn't sound like something I want to experience.  But really - between getting the house ready for a baby - which has proven to be the largest task EVER and getting things settled at work - which also doesn't seem to be working in my favour since I seem to be taking on new projects and not really getting anywhere - my blog life has become non-existent.  I don't know how people do this.  Blog.  Work. Clean the house. Be a mom. Have a social life.  I have no idea what I am in for - do I?

I've had a few panic moments in the last few weeks.  A few weepy moments.  A few moments of excitement.  And a few moments of mourning.  Mourning the fact that my life is (and already has) about to drastically change.  Mourning all the moments I have to myself.  All the moments I only need to think about myself.  I am mourning my selfishness.  But I am ready - kind of - for the change.  Thank goodness for Steve!!

But other than that - this is what else has been going on here

currently watching

A few weeks ago Steve and I blasted through five seasons of Sons of Anarchy.  Have you watched it?  It's pretty much - amazing.  Bikers. Old ladies. Guns. and hot men.

[VIA]

Am I right?  I am right.  But now - I am currently waiting until sometime in June for season 6 to start.  Along with Breaking Bad.

So what am I currently watching?  Besides my the scale grow and wonder how I will ever work of these extra pounds?  I have been watching this - over and over again.



you too?

Currently Craving

Summer! And summer clothes. Not that any of mine fit me. But seriously - I am sick of pants. And cardigans. And hats. Scarves. And winter jackets. I am ready to show off this baby belly in some cuter clothes.  Plus I am pretty close to pushing it with my wardrobe.  I refuse to buy anymore maternity clothes.  However I think this is a battle I am going to lose.  This bump is growing exponentially.  It's ridiculous.

I am also still craving oranges - even though they give me the most insane heartburn.  I eat one or two before bed - and then another two as soon as I wake up.  I stash them in my purse.  I can't get enough.  Even writing about them is making me want one.  Like real bad.  For realz.

currently looking

For a crib.  We just can't decide on one.  We are going to go out browsing again this weekend.  Hopefully we'll find something.  But really I am so picky and cribs are just too grand looking.  I want something clean and simple.  Why is that so difficult to find?  And every crib I like is way out of our price range.  And seriously - will I even use a crib?  I mean - let's get real I am going to be that mom that will want to sleep close to the baby.  I'm probably better off investing in a king sized bed.

currently loving

All the movement I am feeling lately.  I was starting to get worried because I wasn't feeling B-Ho as much as I wanted - turns out I have an anterior placenta.  That seems to be large and in charge.  So any movement I was feeling was down low. As little B-Ho gets bigger and stronger - I've started to feel the movements a bit more all over.  However B-Ho seems to enjoy either jabbing my bladder or my cervix.  I suppose these are the stabbing vagina pains that people warned me about.  Wait - you didn't want to read about my vagina?  I'm sorry.

Currently Planning

TO HAVE A MOTHER EFFIN' BABY!!!  Sometimes I forget that I am pregnant and then I remember and a panic sets in.  Because I realize that even though I am not terrible at planning - I hate it.  I am a notorious procrastinator.  I like to go with the flow.  Unfortunately when there is a human growing in your belly - there is no time to procrastinate because like it or not this baby is going to come.  Whenever it chooses.  OMG - Baby you better choose to come when I am ready.  PLEASE!!!

Link up here and tell me what's up with you. 

I took a break from eating oranges

I originally thought that when I got pregnant I would want to write down everything.  I thought I'd have a plethora of blog content - no more thinking what should I write about.  There is some truth to this - I have tons I want to write about.  Tons I want to share.  Tons I want to remember.  But truthfully - what I am lacking tons of - is time!  Between nesting at home and nesting at work - this mama bird just doesn't have the energy to open blogger and type down her thoughts. 

But as I approach the 20 weeks mark tomorrow - halfway through my pregnancy - I've been thinking just how fast this experience is going to pass by.  So I am going to make concerted effort to try and update periodically.  And since Randalin asked for a B-Ho update via twitter - I decided I'd write a currently post because I am not going to commit to writing a weekly bumpdate - because I'll fail.  I'm lucky if I remember to snap a picture with my phone of my rapidly growing uterus/fetus.  Because let's be serious - that belly is big!

currently loving

Fruit!  It's unbelievable the amount of fruit I consume.  Oranges in particular.  Mandarin oranges.  Navel oranges.  Tangerines.  And frozen mangoes.  And frozen strawberries.  And grapefruit.  Seriously it doesn't matter.  I am not sure how healthy a strict diet of fruit is - but it's probably better than craving things like dirt or paint chips!  I am sure my fruit obsession has attributed to my current lack of weight gain.  Up to last week I had only gained 4 pounds.  Mind you I was packing a few extra pounds prepregnancy, thanks to my dear friend Carl(sberg) (p.s. I miss you) but...I was concerned.  My midwife quickly told me that there was no need to weigh myself - I mean she never weighs me.  She basically told me I should toss out my scale.

Oh I am also loving that we got to see B-Ho for the second time last week. Everything looked good - or at least I was led to believe.  We saw the heart - all four chambers.  We saw B-Ho swallow (twice).  We saw two arms and two legs.  And the sonographer told us the sex - well her best educated guess - and she guessed due to the lack of boy parts that B-Ho is most likely 60% girl. 

What's your take on this?  It's kind of annoying.  I battled whether I wanted to know the sex or not - so when I finally decided a 60% reading doesn't provide me with much confidence.  Has this happened to you?  Are sonographers less likely to tell you a girl prediction than a boy?  Because boy parts are more obvious? Until I know - I'll hold off on the baby bikini shopping. 

currently wishing

That B-Ho is healthy. We had our anatomical scan last Tuesday - and though everything appeared to be normal I still have that worry that something could be wrong.  I haven't heard from the midwife yet - so I am going on the theory that no news is good news.  I have suspicions that this feeling of worry for baby probably never goes away.

currently craving

Besides oranges? Cool Whip - with fruit obviously.  And Chinese Food.  Not authentic Chinese food - but the like sweet and sour chicken balls.  Egg rolls.  There was a decent place around here - but it's been closed for renovations since before I got pregnant.  I am hesitant to try another place.  So I might have to make Steve take me to the Mandarin this afternoon to kick this.  Actually that sounds like a fabulous idea.

currently missing

I promise I won't get into my laundry list of things I miss since becoming pregnant. But there are a lot of things I miss.  Like my regular clothes.  My wardrobe is pretty lame these days.  Maternity clothes are crazy expensive - and seriously the selection isn't that great.  And let's be honest - all I really want to wear are my sweat pants.  Sadly that doesn't fly in an office setting.  I desperately need another shopping trip.

I'm also missing beer.   I miss coming home from work and relaxing on the couch with a beer.  Or even going out with friends for a few drinks.   I'll be packing one in my hospital bag for sure. 

And one last thing - I miss having a normal appetite.  I am so picky now.  I'll start cooking something and then realize halfway through that I don't want to eat it.  Food aversions are the worst.  Much worse than cravings.  One day I love something - the next day I hate it.  It makes grocery shopping incredibly difficult.  At least I can rely on my constant desire for oranges.  It's so baffling.  Can you overdose on natural vitamin C?  I've eaten enough oranges that it's caused me to throw up.  I'm like a junkie.

currently worrying

About everything! I think this is a mothers job - to worry.  But really I am worried that we won't have the house ready for when the baby arrives.  I know how much of a procrastinator I am so I am worried that we won't have everything bought.  I worry enough that I dream about setting up nurseries - though this could be from the amount of searching I do Pinterest.   Seriously - I worry about everything.  Google and I are as thick as thieves. We were before - but I think I've taken the relationship to the next level.  I've searched the most ridiculous things.  My search history is probably embarrassing. 

And that's that.  Thankfully my nausea started to fade somewhere between week 16 to 17 so I've started to finally feel human again.  I still get bouts of it here and there - mostly when I wake up and when I get too hungry.  I've learned to eat constantly.  I've got a bit more energy - and am no longer narcoleptic.  I've started to feel B-Ho move almost daily - my placenta is at the front - so I don't feel a lot of 'kicks' but I do feel a lot of big movements.   It's exciting - but let's get real it's baffling that there is a human growing and living and moving inside me.  

What have you been up to?  Link up here.