4.02.2012

Randalin from Harvesting Kale

I am so excited for you all to meet Randalin who blogs about being a mom at Harvesting Kale.  Randalin and I are real life friends.  We used to be a little wild in our ways but now she is a mom and I am just lame and drink alone on Friday nights instead of owning the dance floor.  I'd post a picture - but in fear of Randalin unfriending me you'll just have to send me an e-mail request.  Once you're done reading head over to her blog and look at all the adorable pictures of her son - and then come back and tell me you don't want to have babies.


Hola! My name is Randalin and I’m pretty excited to be here, on the blog of the coolest lady I know. I’ve known Steve & Emily for 10+ years and for the past two years I’ve been begging them to procreate. Not only do I think they would make cute babies, but my kid needs a playmate. This is me and said kid:


Before deciding to have a baby, my partner and I talked about the logistics – can we afford a child? Are we established enough in our careers to take a year off (the length of parental leave in Canada)? Do we have a good support network? Are we ready for a lifestyle change?

Of course, these are all important questions. But honestly, now that we’re almost two years into this parenting stint, I really wish someone had given us another list of questions to consider. And since, according to my calculations, Emily has about one week in Thailand on her honeymooniversary to add to the gene pool, I thought I’d share my list with her and all her lovely readers.

9 questions to ask yourself before deciding to have kids:

1.     Do you require privacy to use the toilet? As a mom, you’ve got to be able to pee with the door wide open and a small human tugging on your leg screaming about an empty bowl of crackers while your husband stands there asking you what’s for dinner.

2.     Do you enjoy eating at nice places? Let’s just say that the mall food court is now our version of fine dining. 

3.     Do you like to know what’s happening beyond the front door of your house? Whether you’re into celebrity gossip or foreign affairs, parenting will swallow you into a black hole where information about the world and its people just doesn’t exist. Google searches change from “who is Ryan Gosling dating” to “what’s this weird rash on my kids armpit?” (BTW – who is RG dating??). BBC News is replaced by four episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba on a seemingly never-ending loop. Wait – are newspapers still in print??

4.     Do you require more than 8 minutes to get ready for the day? I’m not talking 8 minutes to find your keys and your purse and touch up your lip-gloss. I’m talking 8 minutes to shower, dress, cover the dark circles under your eyes, and make sure that there are no hidden stickers of dinosaurs stuck to your back.  

5.     Do you need more than three hours of sleep? Oh right, you’ve pulled all nighters during college. You’ve stayed up too late partying and had to work the next day. You know what tired feels like, right? NO YOU DON’T. People, I have not slept through the night in TWO YEARS. I KNOW TIRED (and it ain’t pretty).

6.     Do you like hearing the sound of your voice thinking inside your head? You know the internal dialogue that accompanies you throughout the day? Yeah, you won’t be hearing that for a while. My kid can’t even a form a sentence yet and he doesn’t stop talking.

7.     Do you thrive on validation and crumble under judgment? For every rare soul that tells you something positive about the way you parent, fourteen strangers will judge you for the same thing. In fact, I’m likely underestimating at fourteen.

8.     Do you believe that your body belongs to you and only you? It doesn’t matter if this is what you think, your kid knows otherwise. Your body is actually a jungle gym, designed for climbing on, drooling on and sleeping on (and occasionally throwing up on).  

9.     Do you enjoy owning nice things? Whether it’s nice clothes or nice furniture, you should just save yourself the agony of seeing it destroyed and give it away now.

So you’re wondering how this list is going to convince Emily to have a baby, right? Well you know how they say that pictures are worth a thousand words? Well, I think she should want to have a baby, because seriously, who doesn’t want one of these:

Emily Here - OMG Seriously?! Is he not the coolest?  This kid loves laundry and cleans up his own toys.  He also has the appetite of a teenaged boy.  I might consider having Randalin and Kris birth me one of these. 


8 comments:

  1. I love this list! My boyfriend and I have had conversations about having a baby someday, I think we are going to have to add these to our typical discussion points =)

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  2. This post is awesome and hilarious! That's so awesome that you guys are real life AND blog friends!

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  3. Okay, seriously, how funny is she!? I loved this list, although it did slightly terrify me...

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  4. What a great post! Nice to meet you Randalin. However, I'm terrified of your list. I'm pretty sure God made us optimistic about having kids so that we'd just go for it and wouldn't be able to back out later. Haha.

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  5. What a fun little feature! Keep up the great work.

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  6. This list cracked me up! Great questions! That picture is adorable.

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  7. Love this list. Randalin, you are hilarious!

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  8. Randalin: you are great. What a cool post this was, and so recognisable. Especially the part about privacy to use the toilet and always being on stand-by because they might chose that very moment to jump of the table and/or empty the garbage on the floor.

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Thanks for dropping by Hope Squared. If you like the things I have to say - I would love to read what you have to say.