3.18.2013

This is not what I was expecting

First of all I am sure nearly every single one of you has seen this already - but seriously if I was allowed to have more than one husband, I'd also marry both JT and Jimmy Fallon.  Mostly because of this....I would demand this at least once a day. 



To be honest I never ever really had a thing for JT - but he's really grown on me over the years.  Truthfully it probably started here (ridiculous).

Anyways - so I'm pregnant!  Is it weird that this still blows my mind - like every single day?  I wake and try to get out of bed - and then remember "Oh yeah man, I'm effin' pregnant!"  I don't know when it becomes real - probably for me it won't be until I am in labour.  And freaking out because I am about to become someones mom.  Don't get me wrong - I am excited.  Or am I anxious?  Well I am feeling a bunch of things.  I read other blogs of first time mom's getting ready and prepared - and they are all overcome with joy, love and excitement.  Why don't I feel like that? Why can't I express that? I am joyful.  I do feel a connection to the human growing inside me.  And there are moments when I feel super excited.  But really - do I feel this all the time, often even?  The answer is no.  Truthfully - I feel unsure. 

I never expected that.  I am sad to leave my job - but also excited for some time away.  I am nervous to leave my job - the career I have spent the last five years building.  How do you ever get that back?  What happens if I lose my passion? My drive?  My ambition?  Everyone tells me my feelings will change once I have a child - but right now - I have no idea what that means.  And that scares me. 

But then every now and then - I am surprised by a kick, a jab, a thought or even images like this - and I shrug my shoulders and know that I am ready for this next milestone in my life.  Because it all will be worth these awkward transition emotions in the end, right?

B-Ho sucking 'her' thumb at 25 weeks.  The ultrasound technician believes she's 75% girl - but there were definitely no boy parts that I could see.  

15 comments:

  1. You are not alone. I'm getting on in a new, first pregnancy (just over 19 weeks) and while I'm pretty psyched about it, I'm anxious, stressed and so super nervous. I'm unsure, too. I want to believe The People when they tell me that "all good parents" are Nervous Nellies at the thought of growing a human and then growing its lovely little personality, but I'm not so sure. I hope and I buy into the positive as much as I can (and revel in the growing belly - haven't felt the baby move just yet, but seeing him at my ultrasound was truly cool) and hang on to your "it will be worth these awkward transition emotions in the end."

    I think it will be, but only time will tell, I suppose. :)

    Congratulations on the cultivation of your tiny human. :) Very, very cool!

    ...and yes, Fallon and JT. Good choices. :)

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  2. Good husband choices; probably mine too! I'm the same with JT; I never really was into him until his solo career and awesome music. Also, he can do no wrong it seems. My sister and I are going to see him and Jay Z in August!

    My husband and I are in the pre-pregnancy planning stages. I'll be done grad school Spring 2014 and he'll be back from Afghanistan around that time. I'm already so nervous about having a baby because I worry I will never want to work, and then what will all of this have been for? I know we will make it work and I tell myself "I can do it all," so ultimately I keep this in mind and stay excited for the future. :)

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  3. Hey Emily.
    Ok you might ignore this because I'm not only not a mom but I'm still a single lady.... however! I think all those ladies you're reading about and all their happy feelings, they are only telling a half truth!!!! I'm sorry but there are smaller things in life that are both exciting and scary, having a baby is NOT a small thing so anyone who says that they never worried, freaked out, changed their mind in labor, etc LIARS!!!!!! :)

    Don't compare how you are feeling to what others have posted or said. Take everything your feeling and just roll with it, it's your experience.

    And take comfort in knowing that when that baby's out and squealing in your arms, you can have a beer when you're freaking out :) lol

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  4. I think the mix of emotions you have is exactly why you will be a good, aware mom. Being anxious, nervous is a good thing. It means you know you don't have all the answers and things won't always be easy. It means you are ready to be a mom and accept all the bliss... and apprehension... that goes with it. Congrats. Lucky you! :)

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  5. Oh man you totally just voiced my worries as well. I'm 17 weeks today and just feel like I could never be someone's mom! I've also been worried about my job...will anyone be able to do it like I would?? I know that sounds arrogant, but I have worked really hard to get things to where they are... Will we lose momentum? And this weekend when LoLo and I stayed in bed all morning I couldn't help but think those days are numbered...

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  6. I love Jimmy Fallon and JT...that video makes me smile every single time! And just remember everyone's pregnancy stories are so different just tell your own story. :)

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  7. I remember the night Saige was born and after all the stitches and grandparent snuggles were done, I looked over at Saige from my hospital bed and she looked back at me from her hospital bassinet (well her eyes were unfocused but open) and I distinctly remember feeling... blank/emotionless and thinking to myself, "now what?"
    I assure you parenting instincts kick in - you just have to trust them and go with it (or call on a veteran if in doubt).

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  8. haha jimmy fallon is funny. i always think of the beegees skit both of them do and it makes me laugh.

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  9. Jimmy Fallon and JT are the bomb!! hahah!! and I think I would feel the same with the "whoa! I'm pregnant!!" feeling...like it's a shock that you actually have a human inside you :) My clock is tickin just a lil louder lately :)

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  10. I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm filled with similar questions. What happens to the Abby who worked in a store and went to parties for drinks? Will she be gone or will she just be different? On the other hand, I don't think there's any amount of questions that would make me change my mind about starting a family :)
    Change is scary, but scary is fun sometimes.

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  11. I just watched that history of rap video last weekend and it blew my mind!! Who knew JT and Jimmy could kill it like that?! I'm so excited to hear how everything goes with your pregnancy and mamahood. I'm increasingly interested because I feel like every reaction you have sounds like something I would think. I'm learning through you!!

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  12. Cute little baby girl! Love me some JT!

    xo,
    Katie

    hellolittlebean.com

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  13. Ok... so... JT is looking HOT these days. Like, really, really hot. I was never into him growing up either, but bam he came out with this new album and some major sex appeal as far as I'm concerned.

    And as far as feeling unsure about pregnancy stuff? I think it's totally normal. Or at least, I hope it is, because I've had those moments too. I don't even like my job, but I'm having a hard time putting in my two weeks notice. I said I wouldn't work a day past March 9th and here we are at April 18th and I still haven't put my notice in. Transition is scary, especially when it involves taking care of another human being. But I think it's going to be amazing and worth it.

    Oh yeah, and I'm also worried about how the cats are going to transition. Do you think Basil has a clue what's coming?

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  14. I hear you!!!! I always pictured how I would act/feel when I was pregnant and now at 25 weeks I am a bit more panicky and overwhelmed than anything. I is a weird state of disbelief...how can I (someone who can barely remember which day garbage day is) possibly keep someone else alive for many years? I then also have selfish thoughts about how our life will change. I love my husband and our routine and I panic occasionally about someone else coming along and messing with it. Which sounds completely ridiculous as I type it because. duh...obviously I am going to love this little one messing with my routine. But long winded reasoning behind this note is to let you know that you are not alone.

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